Shulk's New Job
by DeviledBread
Summary: Shulk is broke, and needs a way to support himself. He gets a job at a mysterious pizzeria on the east side of the colony... (Mild XC1 spoilers)
1. Chapter 1: The Job

5 years ago Shulk and his friends saved the world. Now everyone lives a normal life, in Colony 9. Shulk was sitting at his computer, covered in Cheeto dust. He had been up all night furiously arguing with people about Cyber Punk 2077 on Twitter.

"There are too many women and nopon in the game! Like why can't CDPR just remove them all from the game? Dunno the game seems pretty SJW to me."

To Shulk's surprise, there was a large amount of backlash. There were many people calling him "Racist" and a "Bigot" but Shulk knew he was better than them.

"Ha ha, racist isn't even a real word." He said aloud to no one but himself.

"Everyone knows that statistically nopon commit more crimes than homs do." Shulk replied to the many angry people on Twitter.

He couldn't think of a better way to justify his actions.

"Oh, it's almost time!" Shulk exclaimed.

It was almost 10:00, and his favourite TV show My Little Pony was about to come on. Shulk leaped from his chair and sprinted as fast he could to the TV room. Shulk looked around frantically

"THE REMOTE! WHERE'S THE REMOTE!?"

The remote was on the coffee table, directly in front of him, but Shulk didn't know this. He looked under every cushion, on every shelf, under the couch, but not on the coffee table. Shulk had exhausted himself. He was not nearly as physically active as he was 5 years ago. He lay down on the couch saddened, and tired from his fruitless effort. He lay down, and by chance, he glanced at the coffee table. His eyes lit up. He jumps up from the couch, grabs the remote and turns on the TV. The show had already ended, the news was already on. It took him over an hour to find the remote. Shulk felt pathetic, and rightfully so, Shulk is pathetic. During his plunge into sadness, Shulk realized how hungry he was. He got up to go to the refrigerator. He walked in a depressed manner towards the fridge. He opened it only to find it was empty, except for some black mold that had been growing there for quite some time. Shulk fell to the ground in a slump, hungry and sad.

"How am I supposed to buy more food, my bank account is empty." He moaned.

Shulk realized he needed a job. He looked online for a job, he couldn't bothered to leave his house if he didn't have to. He scoured pages upon pages of results. Until he found what seemed to be the easiest of them all. It was a security guards job, 11$ an hour shift is from 12 AM to 6 PM. Shulk was ecstatic that he didn't have to do anything, but sit in the same place for six hours, at an unpopular restaurant on the east side of the Colony, and best of all: Free Pizza! There was a phone number listed on the webpage it was 1-800-591-3274. Shulk called the number listed. A man's voice came over the phone

"Hello, you've reached Freddy Fazbears Pizza, how may I help you?"

"Hi, I'm here to apply for the job." Shulk replied.

"Oh for the security guard? Sure, you got it, can you be here tonight 11 PM?"

"What? I got it? No interview? Uh, I can be there, sure thing."

"You have an office near the supply closet on the south side of the restaurant, be there."

"Alright, got it."

Shulk trudged his way to the east side of the colony, stopping to take a few breaths every couple steps. He found himself in front of a building that had a large colourful sign that read: "Freddy Fazbear's Pizza".

"This must be the place." said Shulk.

He had arrived early. The pavement around the building was rigid, and cracked. The glass door that was on the front of the building was smudged, almost as if someone had been wiping their hands on the crystalline panes. The building seemed to be built from mostly wrinkly bricks smooshed together haphazardly, the raisiny chunks seemed like they would collapse at any moment. Shulk opened the door and then immediately he tripped on an ice cube and broke his nose.

"AAAAAHHHHHHH AAAHAHHHHHH AAHHHHHHHH!" Shulk was screaming.

"Ey." a voice rang in.

"Stop fecking screaming you cunt."

"I tripped and broke my nose!"

A river of blood was spewing out of Shulk's nose, as an orchestra of moans and screams emanated from his mouth.

"Does it look like I fecking care? I've been working this shitty job for 10 years. I used to be wood and steel worker, but then I fell into an industrial sand blaster and blew a fecking hole me leg. I then fell into debt due to the med bills, got fired from my job, and now I work in this shit hole. I'm sure the pain you're experiencing is not as bad as when I had that fecking hole in me leg."

"PLEASE! I BEG YOU! PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE PLE-"

"Alright, I'll take you to the hospital!" the man cut in.

The man and Shulk make their way to the hospital, it takes a while. Upon their arrival, Shulk is sent to the ER. He is rushed in, down the white hallways with smooth paprika coloured floors, into the ER.

"Here, use this to stop the blood for now." says a nurse.

He is given rag, which lingered with an odor that could only be described as putrid. But due to his nose being smashed, Shulk could not smell this rag, nor would he care if he could, given the circumstances of his nose. The nurse turns a corner, and comes back around quartzy walls, holding an enormous needle.

"You're going to put that in my nose?!" exclaimed Shulk.

"It's a concentrated amount of water ether, it should be enough to heal your nose in a jiffy!"

Shulk was nervous, he'd never had an injection before but idea of one terrified him. He had faced killer machines, giant apes, and literally God, but this scared him most of all. The idea of a foreign substance, circulating inside his body, was one that he would stay awake at night thinking about.

"What if I inhaled some chemicals, and now I will die!?" he would think.

He hated chemicals, he feared them, even though he was a scientist, he was a fool. He feared vaccines, he "knew" that they had evil chemicals inside them, and that he shouldn't take them if he doesn't want Obama, controlling him through the liberal satellite positioned at his house. But he was too late, Shulk freezes with fear. The nurse inserted the instrument of torture into the wound. Shulk's nose instantly heals. But Shulk is now traumatized. It takes him almost 10 minutes to get up and head to work. He trudged his way back to the pizzeria.


	2. Chapter 2: The Pizzeria

He walks into the building, it's almost 12AM, about 11:47. He makes his way into the main room of the restaurant. There are wooden tables and brightly coloured party hats strewn across said tables. Snow coloured tables cloths covered each one, with around 8 chairs at each table. Shulk noticed a large stage with 3 animatronics standing motionless, statue like. On the right side of the stage was a blue bunny animatronic, on the right a bright yellow chicken animatronic, and in the center was a chocolate brown bear animatronic.

"Ugh, more android scum." he said.

He noticed a hallway, leading to another part of the establishment. He trounced down the musty walkway, and found an office with a door on each side. Inside there was an office chair, a monitor which seemed to be a camera system, an old looking phone, and a fan that was too beaten up to work. There was a poster of the 3 animatronics that appeared on the stage on the office wall. It was a crude poster, not well desgined or thought about. Crumpled up papers were flung about on the desk. Shulk sat down in the chair, almost crushing it under his extreme weight. It was almost 12 AM. Upon the the coming of 12 AM the phone rang. Shulk answers:

"Hello?" he says

"Hello, hello hello. Uh, I wanted to record a message for you to help you get settled in on your first night."

Shulk realizes that the voice is a recording, meaning he doesn't have to interact with anyone. Shulk is ecstatic that he doesn't have to talk to anyone about this, all he has to do is sit back and relax. The message continues.

"Um, I actually used to work in that office before you. I'm finishing my last week now as a matter of fact."

Shulk begins pressing buttons at the monitor. They make a satisfactory click, as they change to a different camera. He could see the show stage from the cameras, one of the animatronics seemed out of place, but that didn't bother Shulk.

"So, I know it can be a bit overwhelming, but I'm here to tell you there's really nothing to worry about. Uh, you'll do fine. So let's just focus on getting you through your first week, ok?"

Shulk is not worried in the slightest about any of this. He has dealt with robots in the past, so this should be no different, even without the Monado. He wondered why he would need any help, his only job is to sit here for 6 hours.

"Uh, there's an introductory greeting from the company that I'm supposed to read, it's kinda a legal thing y'know? Uh, welcome to Freddy Fazbears Pizza. A magical place where kids and grownups alike, where fantasy an fun come to life. Fazbear Entertainment is not responsible for damage to property or person. Upon discovering that damage or death has occurred, a missing person report will be filed with in 90 days, or as soon as property premises have been thoroughly cleaned and bleach, and the carpets have been replaced."

Shulk jerked forward, he suddenly felt very afraid. He was shocked that any damage had occurred at such a peaceful restaurant.

"Blah blah blah, now that might sound bad, I know, but there's really nothing to worry about. Uh, the animatronic characters here can get a bit quirky at night, but do I blame them? No. If I were forced to sing those same stupid songs for 20 years and I never got a bath? I'd probably be a bit irritable at night too. So remember these characters hold a special in the hearts of children and we need to show them a little respect, right? Ok. So uh just be aware, the characters tend to wander a bit. Uh, they're left in some kind of free roaming mode at night!"

Shulk realizes that this situation might be a bit dangerous, but he doesn't care that much. He is starving, so he decides it's a good idea to head to the kitchen.

"Hah!" he exclaims.

"Because there's no one here, I can have all the pizza I want, no one can stop me from eating this restaurant into the ground!"


End file.
